American Institutions #2 : The Racist

It has long been a mystery why this particular president has been so popular with black Americans. As well as being the very first Republican president, he was also definitively racist. Elucidating his thoughts on the future direction of American society, Mr. Lincoln informed a small group of educated black men that he considered all black people (free or enslaved) to be a pollution of American culture that should be forcibly expatriated to Guatemala (or somewhere similar recently acquired by America in the name of freedom).

Fortunately, a newly appointed White House correspondent (Mr. G Vidal) was there to record the (somewhat one-sided) exchange.

So Lincoln decides to invite three educated, free black men in to his office (oblivious to the fact that what he is about to say, that what, to him, is stating the obvious, what he fully expects to be their point of view as well as his, might, in actual fact be something of a nasty surprise) and what he explains is this: the black man has polluted american culture, the american way of life (wouldn’t you agree?) – being to no-one’s advantage (obviously) wouldn’t it (of course) be so much better if all black people were exported to somewhere more suitable (i.e. anywhere that was not here). Educated men such as yourselves could lead those who have not been so fortunate (education-wise, freedom-wise) … build, farm (do blacks have farming skills?), breed and what have you. Of course you’ve probably worked this out for yourselves so what I’m really doing here today is merely informing you that you can be sure that you’ll have my full support and , once the union, the republicans, the true americans have won this terrible war, then you (and all your kind) will be loaded on to ships (you’ll probably appreciate the expediency of this mode of transport) and taken to somewhere you can call home. Guatemala ok? Fine, ok then well if you’d like to pack …

… had it happened: no-one in the north to kill themselves in those nasty machines, no-one in the south with any farming skills

… so, yet again, a night out at the theatre proves to be the catalyst for the survival or destruction of an entire race (king kong was not so lucky).


  1. #1 by hmm...? on 12/10/2010 - 9:30 pm


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