American Institutions #4 : The Daily Planet

A Spanish Omelette

The root of all evil

The slide from the republican ideals of the Declaration of Independence picked up momentum in the dying years of the nineteenth century. After nearly eight decades of internal strife over the lost war with Britain (which resulted in the British shelling Washington), the first ‘hawks’ peeked over their broken eggshell and spied Spanish territory, there for the taking.

So it was then that, in the quest for a greater volume of newspaper sales, Randolf Hearst (“You supply the pictures and I’ll supply the war”) manipulated the U.S. government towards a course of action that would take it and America first into WWI (the ‘WW’ in this case standing for Woodrow Wilson) and then (as the U.S. brokered peace came before the Germans had been defeated on the battlefield) into WWII to do battle with another mad-as-a-hat-stand media mogul.

communist jackboot


Nazi Jackboot

Unfortunately, by the time the Americans had figured out exactly where the war was (there was some recollection that it was “over there”) the Nazis weren’t the only power-drunk idealists on the continent. The Russians had got a (steel-tipped) toe-hold into Europe (and Asia come to that) and weren’t about to re-cross the Volga empty-handed, which left the new boys from America and Britain little choice but to bend-over at Yalta and leave the Poles, the Czechs, The Hungarians (not to mention the Estonians, the Latvians, the Ukrainians, the Georgians) to a fate that the rest of Europe had just spent had just spent 6 (and America 3) years fighting and dying for.
Still, having ruined their economies, their cities and wasted a good portion of their populations, no European Country was in a position to challenge America’s position at the head of the Western ‘alliance’ table (and neither would they ever be), so something good came out of it after all.

Of course those unlucky enough to live in those now suddenly communist countries of eastern europe, had to endure another 40 years of oppression, suppression, poverty, starvation, privation, torture and death, but at least America was OK (The war had even  jump-started the US economy out of the depression – something Britain would still be paying for 50 years later). So everything was hunky-dory there as well; of course Stalin was now be able to form an ‘Eastern Bloc’  and international communism was on a roll which would spark a cold war and a nuclear arms race that would nearly destroy the Earth on several occasions, but that’s a small price to pay for US supremacy, right?  No, no problem there at all.

So, no Randolf Hearst, no imperialist policies, no US involvement in WWI, no Hitler, no Yalta no international communism (probably no Vietnam), no nuclear arms race, no Ronald Reagan and no George Bush.

Just a peaceful, clean, beautiful, drug-free country with a high standard of living, good schools, first-class medical care and good relations with every other country in the world. Who the hell wants that?

(Tim Shreeve)

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  1. #1 by Carroll B. Merriman on 29/10/2010 - 4:14 am

    Hello, let me say that this article really is great and what I preffered is the way you write, it is really easy to understand and you make your point. Keep it up 🙂 !

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