Archive for category Drugs

When you really, really can’t sleep …

so a zombie bites your ass an’ you got an hour lef’… wha’cha gonna do man?

-cheeseburger an’ a cigarette
-no sex?
-OK sex, no, … take too long – only 1 hour right?
-you need more than an hour to have sex man?
-maybe a blow job then … then a cheeseburger
-where you gonna find a woman in an hour give you a blow-job ?

-I’ll pay as per
-wha’s  money if you’re gonna die in an hour
-well if we all bin bit … I’d have to pay her in cheeseburgers

-ok so you have a blow-job then a fag …
-no together man …have a fag an’a blow-job at the same time … then a cheeseburger – an’ another fag
-and then what?
-and then? … whack some smack
-do wha’ man?
-shoot some heroin
-some heroin?
-yeah man an’ some acid
-what acid like LSD?
-yeah heroin and acit
-where you gonna get that – you got about 20 minutes left man
-inna Boots – they sell an’ acid
-yeah zombie acid – I wan’ somma dat …

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… everyone needs a hobby!

The old addage “Drugs aren’t illegal because they’re dangerous, they’re dangerous because they’re illegal.” couldn’t be more true in these web-based, cyber-spaced-out times in which we find ourselves. Containing everything from uranium to the ingredients for a  decent concrete, internet drugs are the most efficient way to waste your money in the most harmful way imaginable. From stuff you inject with a turkey baster to get a tan to cement based drugs to slow down your heart. It used to be that all you had to put up with was sugar, chalk and Italian laxative but in these days of globalisation everything and anything that can be found, ground and stuffed into a gelatin cap is fair game.

Ironically, most of these drugs aren’t actually bought by the denizens of the 3rd world countries which produce them, but by 1st world consumers who are unfortunate enough to live in democratised semi-socialist semi-hells where everything useful is immediately rationed, restricted or totally banned.

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Comfort Food

You may not be keen on genetically modified fruit & veg –  perhaps you go as far as to comb the supermarket for organic everything from bread to shampoo! – but how about genetically modified chocolates?

One of the reasons that chocolate tastes so good, is that it induces the brain to release something called dopamine. This is a  nerve transmitter chemical which makes you happy – the same one that’s released in massive amounts when someone uses heroin or cocaine. As well as dopamine, there are two other biochemical wonder drugs which your body can be induced to manufacture. The first, oxytocin, should be familiar to women (unless they’ve been very unlucky) as it is normally released during orgasm and when breast-feeding a child (although not normally at the same time!). The second, called vasopressin,  promotes monogamy (which promotes trust etc., etc.).

Now a manufacturer of exclusive chocolates has come up with the idea of using using these natural chemicals in the manufacture of His&Her chocolates. The ‘Her’ chocolates contain oxytocin which will leave a women simultaneously relaxed and excited.The ‘Him’ chocolates contain vasopressin, which will ensure that the man is always there when she needs him.Organic chocolate does none of these things (and tastes like crap).

[Tim Shreeve]

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