Mugwumps in the Night

Landing site of 'Mama' Cass

The Roswell incident was actually Mama Cass crashing to earth.

She wasn’t ‘Mama’ then, of course (her being only 4 years old by earthling standards), but the stage was set for a course of action that would end in tragedy and be shrouded in mystery to the present day. The alien infant was inserted into American society in Baltimore (a well-used extra-terrestrial point-of-entry) in the Jewish quarter of the city. An ironic choice as we shall see. Her adopted human body began to grow, following the programming of her alien DNA.

The fairies, who had been following the development of the alien infant, had long been in the habit of sneaking into drive-ins (not much of a stretch for a fairy) and whiling away a couple of hours suspending their

A multi-zygotic alien

disbelief and generally letting themselves being scared silly by B-movies. They were then, all too aware that, when aliens attempt to copy earthly ways or earthling forms, they invariably make one tiny mistake, which, in turn, always seems to act as a pre-cursor to the foiling of alien plans (though usually not before us earthlings have learnt a valuable lesson or two).
Throughout the early sixties the fairies looked on benignly as the chubby changeling pursued a moderately successful career in the performing arts in New York and, briefly, Washington.

The general fairy concensus was that she must be some sort of covert ambassador for the alien culture which spawned her. Whilst fairy minds were still trying to work out how a trip to the Virgin Islands could result in the birth of the “Mamas & Papas”, ‘Mama’ Cass’ career totally took off with the release of “Dream a Little Deam of Me” in 1965. From then on she was a woman (albeit alien woman) on a roll and she began to appear on television on a regular basis with such stars as Andy Williams, Tom Jones, Ed Sullivan, Johnny Cash and Julie Andrews.

Having no idea of the earthling (much less the fairy) ideal of subtleness,suspicions were well and truly aroused as she was seen to flirt  with celebrity after celebrity. As the alien grew fatter and fatter and it became apparent to the superior fairy mind that the moniker of ‘Mama’ was no co-incidence and she was in fact multi-zygotic, becoming simultaneously pregnant by each singer with whom she ‘dueted’.

An implement of alien destruction

The fairies held council and debated long into the night. Keeping tabs on one alien ‘ambassador’ was one thing, but the thought of droves of mini Julie Andrews’ was altogether too much to bear. So it was then at TwelveThirty on a Monday, Monday night, the death warrant was signed, sealed and ‘Mama’ Cass was up Creque Alley. The fairies bided their time until the condemned mother-never-to-be snuck off to London to give birth to her godless litter.
As she lay asleep in her London hotel room. dreaming of california, there was a preternatural glow at the window  – and so it was with a heavy heart and a ham sandwich the fairy executioner approached the sleeping fat alien …

(Tim Shreeve)